Friday, August 27, 2010

The Lonely Boss Visits

I have always had a sixth sense about men who are interested in me, but, ironically, not the ones I seem to be interested in - I'm always left guessing.  It's a shitty situation to be in, one that can often lead to the end of friendships and that's why I've learned to cut them off at the pass.

When I quit my job in KS to move to Chicago, my Boss was not so happy about it.  I put in my three weeks and I am pretty sure he didn't talk to me until two days before I left.  You can say it's flattering when someone doesn't want you to leave because you're so good at what you do, but the truth is that he and I had a very special bond.  I will go as far to say there was a mild sexual attraction.

Boss is the kind of guy who is always positive, a great motivator.  He knew how to bring out the best in people and as Director of Promotions and Marketing, we spent a lot of time together.  I can honestly say that he made me into the driven, ethical professional I am today, and he's full of quotes.  Throughout the years of struggling with my business and trying to dig myself out of small bouts of depression, he always had a quote for me.  Four I have up in my office today:

1. "If you can still look up when you're down on your back, then you can get up!"
2. "You already have every characteristic necessary for just need to recognize, claim, develop and use them."
3. "The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in our determination"
4. "Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish."

I love that last one. 

After I moved I put everyone back there on hold, giving us all a three-month breather.  It was like a bad break up.  We all needed time to move on and they needed to find someone to take my position.  After time, I called and spoke to him and he began to lament my leaving and that no one could do the job like me.  "Thanks, but you were never ever going to pay me more than a whopping $18,000 a year and I was still going to have to wait tables on the side."  His response was to get into sales.  "Oh, right, because I'm SO good at what I do and there's no way I'll ever make money doing it.  Yeah, I'm the one making you all look good so you can go out and make sales!"  (Btw- I'm also the one who put together promotional campaigns and proposals that helped them win national business, but did I see any of the commission?  What do you think?)

Anyhoo, over the years I've remained friends with my old boss, who's about 15 years older than I.  He was happily married, three kids and, like most people in that business, moving around a lot.  Recently he moved to Oklahoma for a job in a different industry and now his wife doesn't want to move to be with him.  Here's where I felt the major shift.

Last summer he was here for business and we got together for dinner and comedy club.  He showed up at my door with flowers - always the gentleman.  It was a fun night, he dropped me off and went back to his hotel.  Then he started calling more....and his wife announced her decision officially in January.  He started calling more.

Last night was totally different, and I felt it.  I mean I felt it in my bones that something was different and that he might, just might make a move on me.  He showed up at the door with flowers, again, this time roses.  I didn't want him to come up so I set them down in the doorway and said I was starving and would put them in water later.  He commented that he liked spoiling me with flowers.  He held the car door open, always, and we were off to dinner.  Cuban.  Something new for him.  Then he suggested we take a walk by the lake.  Whoa!  This sounds awfully romantic to me....quick...think.

"Okay, we'll grab some wine and glasses and go, but I can't stay long because I have a 7:30am breakfast meeting"  (lie, lie)

And we were off.  We drove, parked and sat along the lakefront drinking wine, looking at the harvest moon rise and the lights of the city behind us.  This is one of my favorite things about the city.  It's gorgeous.  Then fireworks went off at Navy Pier.  Damn it!  This is far too romantic.  Think....think.  Throw in something about seeing someone.  Shwew!  The conversation continued, I asked about his wife, etc. and then he stood up and seemed to be moving closer to me.  Damn it!

"Well, we should get going.  I'm dying to go to the bathroom and have to get up early."

We headed back to my house when he announced that when I move back to KS I'll only be three hours away from him (Damn it!  What does that mean?), he walked me to the door, we hugged and he held me a little too I pulled away and started making my way up the stairs and then bid adieu.   I walked in to my house with some relief.

Sadly, I feel that he is simply lonely and sad about his marriage, but I am not the kind of gal to get mixed up in all of that.  No way.  No how.  Not to mention the fact that I'm not interested in him that way.  I like our friendship and do not want it to evolve into anything more.

Why can't men be as intuitive as women are, most of the time, and realize who isn't interested in them?  It would be so much easier if I had a real boyfriend or husband or partner at this point.  I am not the kind to lead any man on and I'm tired of men who are friends hitting on me and then ruining a decent friendship!  Stop it!


Crazy Shenanigans said...

Yeah it definitely sounds like he was a little more into that hang out than you and that he was viewing it as a date.

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

Your last comment hits it right on the nose... men just don't have those "gut feelings" like women do. I wish they did... life would be so much easier. On the other hand, you're lucky you had a boss with whom you were able to connect so deeply. I have never had a boss who was a mentor, let alone a real friend.

BTW, this is my first time to your blog-- is that a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker on your profile picture? It's striking a chord with me, but I can't put my finger on it...


Canadianbloggergirl said...

Wow! Good job on getting out of that situation. I think you're right, that he is just lonely. I don't know you but any girl doesnt' deserve to get involved in that much bagage!

Epiphany said...

Mom - WELCOME! yep, that's an SJP pic from her perfume line and I love it. Wondering if I can recreate for myself. It's so fitting.

Canada - i feel that men, even more than women, are likely to succomb to feelings and situations when they are really lonely or insecure that they wouldn't otherwise consider. It's hard not to feel for my friend. Harder to be cold as to not allow any situation to develop.


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