I'm finding it really hard to concentrate and motivate today. Not really sure why but I'm thinking it has something to do with the fact that a major company in KC contacted me regarding my resume and want to do a phone interview next week. Eek! My first interview in TEN YEARS! Not to mention that for some reason, all week long, I would settle in to work and then something else happens and I feel as if I've accomplished nothing this week. Yet, was in my office everyday, all day. How does this happen?
And...I'm nervous. And scared. I'm starting to second guess myself and wondering if these are the right decisions. I hate being in limbo. At this moment, I am working my clients, new opportunities have been coming in, a couple will once their product testing is done, and they don't care where I live. But, what if they don't come through when I need them too? What if I get this job? What if, what if, what if! It'll make you go crazy and I know because there are more than the usual number of wine bottles in my recycling bin at the moment - thanks to all of my friends who've come over this week and encouraged this behavior.
I will tell you one thing. It's times like this when you find out who your friends are. Then there's the friend who has been going through a tough time because his former employer stopped paying unemployment benefits and now he gets barely $900 a month. I was happy to have him over and cook him one of my famous $3 dinners, if that.
Reflecting on my life, I realized that every time I get down, break up with someone, a mountain suddenly grows right in front of me, that I almost always go and volunteer - give to someone else who is worse shape than me. It feels awesome to do it. You walk out a little straighter and taller with a perma-grin.
Helping a friend, like the very few of you who have helped me in the last few weeks, means something more. Especially, since he is the only one who understands what I'm dealing with and how it effects me emotionally, spiritually and mentally. He really is one of two people I can talk to honestly about everything. He has some big things on the horizon and I'm happy to help him because I know he wants to work with me - it's pretty crazy software. Then again, what if I take a job and I have all this business start to come in. I'm going to keep my business website up but...do I attempt to manage both. Maybe I just need to determine when I'm moving.
E!!!!! It's only a job interview. You may not make the first cut. Calm the fuck down, girl!