I love having fun. Love IT! Who doesn't? In my case...I can't say no. "No, I have to go home" are words that don't seem to exist in my vocabulary, or at the least momentarily disappear at key times. Of course, they do make an appearance, like when someone is trying to get me to stay out and spend too much money, or following a romp in the hay that I've suddenly regretted, and immediate fleeing is required. It's not like I can't say it, it's just that a lot of times I have real trouble saying "No".
Yesterday is the perfect example. I attended a luncheon with a friend -we'll call him The Mayor (He knows everyone and I mean everyone!) - and we headed to the bar following for a few drinks, which turned into a bender, which led to a cab ride to the West Loop neighborhood and sitting on a patio until Midnight flirting with some cuties....I could have been home and back to work by 3p, I could have saved money and done something productive at home, but uh huh, nope, I said "yes" to the glasses of wine and the adventure that followed.
Maybe it's the wine...it...always...starts with the wine. Now, I didn't get drunk last night, and although I question it some times, I don't have a drinking problem, but I definitely should have spent my day in a better way. The wine is something I turn to for relaxation, but I HATE to be drunk. No doubt I would have slept better last night and not feel like complete crap today (not read: hangover, just tired). Some greasy fast food breakfast sounds awesome right now, but that's not going to help me on the "getting in shape" front. I don't regret the fun I had yesterday (well maybe just a little) but what I need to figure out is why I can't stop myself.
I've always left it up to friends in the past, who have more self control, to say "we're going...NOW", but I can't seem to say it myself. It's like I need someone to call me on the phone and check in, drive by and throw me in the back seat or an alarm to suddenly go off on my mobile to snap me into reality. It's like...I need someone to care about me more than I do.
I would have stayed out on that patio until this morning if I could have...I bet. Or worse....I could have gone home with a flirt!
I know that married people always seemingly want their days of single freedom back, and I should embrace mine, right? After all, I'm exercising my right to stay out late with some flirts with no one to answer to, no kids or husband at home. Maybe, just maybe, you think I'm nuts, this is not a big deal at all and I should stop kicking myself. Maybe...or maybe I have been so stressed out over trying to figure out my life, et al, that when fun presents itself I over indulge myself in an attempt to runaway, clear my mind - any other excuse I can come up with. Wow, sadly, I've been doing this for years....