I am a delinquent blogger. The Fourth of July weekend kind of kicked my ass, and after some catch up on all the things I was supposed to do over the weekend and finally feeling like I won't have a narcoleptic attack, I'm back to reporting the craziness that is my life.
Monday I saw the new Twilight movie, and I must say the anticipation was killing me. The love story presented in these novels is, well, a fairy tale, for sure, but I often wonder what happened to a generation of men. My generation of men. Call me old fashioned, but there's something about the previous generations' dating sociology of men and women that has its appeal. What happened? Internet porn, women's lib or just the Internet in general?
I may be a confident, independent woman, but I still like traditionalism in dating. Meaning, I want to be courted. Is that so ridiculous? My friends tell me that I'll be waiting forever. Don't get me wrong, I do attract plenty of flirts (men) and have asserted myself only to be turned down. Quantity isn't my problem. It's quality. And quality might not even be my problem. It may just be me. Me and this antiquated idea of romance and relationships. Some say I'm impossible - a dreamer with a child-like fantasy of Cinderella, Prince Charming and Hollywood movie endings.
It's different living in a city where people are transient and the single lifestyle is encouraged by a number of nightclubs with scantily clad dancers and babes at the beach. Everyone's looking for....greener grass. It's as if they don't want to settle down because they think something better is coming along. Or, it's commitment phobia. I must admit that the men older than me who have never been married raise a big, and I mean HUGE, flag for me for this very reason. Did they wake up at 50 and suddenly realize they're not 35 and will die alone? Sure, throw some money around and buy yourself a 25-yr old wife and 2.5 kids. You think I'm joking. Happens all the time here.
It's not like this where I grew up - a smallish Midwestern town. Men know how to treat a woman and coupledom is desired for more than just one night. Men are guy's guys. In fact, I would say I've met more flirts with potential outside of Chicago than in over 10 years here. So, I wonder, why does urban living breed this mentality in not just men, but also women. Is it because you can walk into a bar, meet someone, get their number, leave, go to another bar, meet someone else (repeat and rinse), and then decide who you will call? That's kind of bullshit, especially because so many men believe that they deserve to be with a supermodel (uhm, btw, that's like .001 of the fem population and, NEWS FLASH, you're not Tom Brady,a Kennedy or Leonardo DiCaprio).
I meet flirts everywhere but it's always so superficial. Few have turned into more than a one-night stand or even gotten to a third date. (I know a one-night stand isn't much of a fairytale. More of a means to an end for a 30-something's raging hormones). Sadly, many, I feel, have never wanted to get to know me. It was more of a "were going to this party so dress up, I'll pick you up at 8p and flash that smile for the boys I work with". Even more sad is how long it took me to catch on to this pattern. And, the concept of Internet dating doesn't make it any easier.
As someone who works from home, I don't have the luxury of an office of individuals willing to invite me to parties or introduce me to their friends (not to negate my fab friends). I'm out on my own. And while I make an effort to get out and about, Internet dating was an easy option for me. Surprise! Many of the sites revealed men who say they're looking for their life partner, but in reality they use it as their own personal sex, eerrr, dating service to line up a variety of dates or sex for the week. Maybe it's because my generation is the first to really feel the plague of divorce. When you don't have a good relationship model, it's kind of hard to learn how to develop a relationship with someone. (Hmmm...note to self. Possible personal consideration)
Now, women are not innocent here, either. I'm constantly surprised by the number of women willing to completely disrespect and throw themselves at men. Duh, when you send a guy naked pictures of yourself, of course he's going to call. He thinks you're E-A-S-Y! That's not the start to a potentially lasting relationship, that's the start to a friend with benefits and late night drunk booty text messages. I have this sinking feeling that no one wants to work for anything anymore.
As for me, with a dating highway littered with love, screw ups, bad choices, and even BIGGER bad choices, a crazy psycho ex (who still won't leave me alone after almost 20 years), it's no surprise that I am my own worst problem. I am the perfect saboteur of my love life, scared of making another bad choice, comfortable being alone than in a shitty or disappointing relationship, and having that information blaring like a neon sign on my forehead - "Damaged goods. Leave me alone. Too scared to open up." Pick one...it's probably a rotating sign at this point in my life.
All I know is that recently I've taken some real risks in this department. One flirt - known forever, totally like but is very long distance and well, he hasn't responded to my email saying I miss chatting. (NEXT) Second flirt - a cutie from Minnesota who made moves on ME, I really connected with and asked to lunch the next day only to get the "there's someone back home." Clearly none of my approaches have been well received, but you have to start somewhere when you're trying to escape Never, Never Land.
