Dawn Arising

I love to sleep. I mean, I really love to sleep. It's one of my favorite things to do in life. Albeit, I hate when I wake up after a "niner" and still feel like I need more. So, although I'm thrilled that my landlord is finally coming over to finish work on my apartment (it only took a year), you can imagine how not thrilled I am to be up at 6am on a Saturday morning after a not so restful night.

Yes, I was told by him yesterday that someone would be here at 7a. Now, 8a on a Saturday I can deal with; 7a during the week is a strong possibility, but never, never, never on a Saturday morning.

With that said, it is so quiet in the city at the moment and the sun is starting to rise further in a clear blue sky. Last summer, I would actually get up and rollerblade along the lake to enjoy the sunrise. I would do it again, if only I fell asleep around 9p the night before, but who wants to be a big 'ol nerd and do that on a Friday night? Not this girl! Not every Friday! It is quite lovely and although I complain about it, I secretly love it. BUT, there is definitely a nap in my very near future. The Mayor has a party tonight. A veritable "who's who" of Chicago media and politics. His parties are always interesting, but I will require rest be for primping for presentation and mingling.

This morning, I am prepared to make my sleepy ass work to conquer a number of things on the 'ol To Do List. In case inquiring minds want to know, I'll be cleaning (it never really ends), looking at opportunities to teach either online or off (income), client work and managing my other blogs. Shwew! I'm determined to get this all done, including a nap and a few errands by 2pm.

Not so quick! It seems like a lot of time, but it never is.

The List: My Own Take 1

Dear Diane*,

I love and miss you and know that you and hubby are working on very important things like making babies, however, would really like to talk and discuss the list. Don't leave me hangin' babe! LOL Until you and hubby have completely exhausted one another, I will move forward with my own synopsis of the list one by one.

Love,
E


The first item on the list of things that make me happy is music. I love music. It's what makes the blood flow through my veins. I love to sing and used to a great deal of performing. I equally love to dance, and appreciate all kinds of music....even some rap, but not for the lyrics as much as the beats, rhythms and...sounds. It just makes me so....happy.

This week I've been working on a CD mix (remember Mix Tapes? I was the Master!) for friend's party. I looovveeedd working on it. Picking the music then selecting the order - there really are rules to this in order to make it sound just right. Every song flows easily into the next as if they were made to be played alongside one another. And, of course, you have to set the tone for the occasion. The best part, is handing the CD over, wrapped and tied with a bow (the most inexpensive, thoughtful gift, I think, you can give anyone) and waiting for the moment they slide it into the CD player. The moments of anticipation just tick away until the first song is played. Then "I love this song" gooshes from the recipient as the CD continues. Music brings such happiness and people love my CDs because they know I made it just for them.

I miss it. I miss singing. I miss writing music and lyrics. I miss performing. I was given a gift and have done relatively nothing with it. Sure, I've been given other gifts and talents, but this one....it makes me feel so alive.

During the day there are often times when I just have to sit down and zero in on getting a project done. It's during these times when I tune into my Jango.com account or rock out to my own play list. It gives me energy and I love everything about it from singing Gregorian chants and classical to rock and country. There's nothing like it. Nothing can feed my soul the way music does. And maybe, I sing on my own time and find a group, and maybe the rest of my life is spent appreciating the nuances in music that others don't catch and teach them about it - hopefully without looking like the big nerdy musical geek that I am.

It's the tops on the list so I know one thing - I've got to find away to sing and release that desire to do so pent up inside of me. I don't really care much about being a famous musician, rather I've always thought of my gift as an instrument to share incredible works of music for others to enjoy. Maybe that's being too modest (another thing I'm trying to give up - love my fam but not so grateful to have been raised SO MODEST! A little "I'm really great" never hurt anyone), but it is something I do believe as a musician. Others, just do it to feed their ego. I was pretty comfortable with myself to begin with and compliments...well, I'm still learning to be appreciative.

I'm hoping that this list doesn't now lead to creating another list for each item on the list. What did I just say? Yeah. While lists are my sanity in day-to-day life, I think more lists will just overwhelm and shut me down! Until my next post in a few days, I am going to try and sing more, even if it's just in my shower, which has great acoustics!

Step One: A List (the first of many)

The one good thing about knowing a lot of people is that one of them has gone through exactly what you're going through, and has survived to be the one person to hold your hand through it. That's Diane*. My fabulous Harvard JD turned professor gal pal.

We met about 10 years ago while in a performance group together. You can't not adore Diane. And the best part is, she used to live in her head like I am living in my head. Thoughts fluttering all around giving way to self-doubt and a desire to runaway from it all (no one's jumping off a bridge here - but headed back to my hometown for safety doesn't seem like a bad idea). Here's the difference, she conquered and came out the other end with the life of her dreams.

Since she moved to the west coast, Diane and I really haven't spoken as much. Thank goodness for Facebook. What a life jacket to friendships around the world! Friends who once seemed lost are found, and I can read what Diane is up to everyday. It's great. So, when I called her unfortunately it didn't seem we had too much to catch up on...(Facebook), but I dug my heals in and told her.....my truth.

I mentioned she's been through this, right? The gal had a phat job at a Chicago firm, an adorable condo, quit it all for the west coast where she knew no one, is a law professor on track for tenure, found her amazing life partner, a dog and hopefully, soon, a bouncing baby. She had a lot to say to me, and I'm sure there will be more to come, but for now, the list....

Diane's first recommendation to me is to create a list of 10 things that make me happy. 10 things! That's like a list of 1000 cut to 10. I'm guessing that eating chocolate chip cookie dough while sitting in a hot bath or a glass of wine (or three) after a long day isn't going to make the list. Along with the fact that I could lay by the lake for hours in the shade just watching the clouds. On with it...

The 10 Things That Make Me Happy (in no particular order)

1. Music
2. Writing
3. Consulting/teaching
4. Yoga/Rollerblading
5. Animals
6. Traveling
7. Volunteering/helping others
   
8. Connecting people
9. Entertaining
10. Being creative - sewing, etc.

I can say I do much of this already (because it makes me happy! duh), but deciphering it to find the answers I am seeking is another thing. This is the first step in reclaiming my life and finding my epiphany.

What's on your list?