Unlike The Rest of Chicago, I Have Not Embraced Public Urination

I decided to take a break from work and take some things out to the trash.  I walk back to the gate from the alley, open it, close and latch it and look down my gangway to see a big white ass looking back at me.  This woman was taking a piss in my gangway! In broad daylight!  I. LOST. IT!

"Uhm, seriously white trash bitch! You are fucking disgusting.  Get the hell off my property before I call the police!"

In her Mexican accent and quickly pulling up her pants, "I sorry"

"REALLY? You FUCKING IDIOT! Go to Taco Bell! If I EVER see you on my street again I will call the police."

And this is how my day has been going so far....


xoxo

The Family Photo

Before I start, I just want to say that, in theory, the concept of getting a family photo is a really good one.  We haven't had such a photo since we all pretty much living in the same town and it was for the church directory.  So, yes, it was definitely time.

I am unsure if I was instantly annoyed because Sister2 (the Milkman's baby) came up with the idea or if it just seemed like a major inconvenience to battle Black Friday traffic and parking to make it happen.  I'm thinking it's the first, especially because she wanted us all to dress alike - never really been a fan..but she did promise it was only going to be a half hour. 

Overall the holiday was very nice and peaceful.  It was great!!!!!  No arguing, no temper tantrums, just plenty of wine to keep us all medicated and a little too tipsy to do much of anything but lift the glass.

Black Friday....Parking in one of the major shopping areas in Omaha was surprisingly not too bad.  We walked into the photo studio and I stop in my tracks.  There are about 100 people hanging around waiting to get their family photo. I look at Sister2 "Thirty minutes, huh?"  Okay, I can deal with screaming babies, kids running around uncontrolled or visibly lacking parents with any shred of common decency.  First things first - find Dad a place to sit.  Spotted.  I should have known that with the slightly bad taste in my mouth that this was going to turn into a debacle.

E: "Excuse me, do you mind if my father sits here? He can't stand long and I have a feeling there's quite a wait."
Woman: "I'm sorry this seat is taken"
E: "Oh, okay, I'll see if someone else will be considerate enough to allow an old man to sit"
Woman: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize..."
E: "That's okay.  I'll bring him over"
Woman: "Well, you see the seat is still taken by my husband"
E: You mean the able-bodied, 30-something looking gent over there standing looking otherwise engaged in conversation versus my 70+ father whose leg issues don't make it easy for him to stand long?  IS THAT WHO YOU MEAN?  "Oh, well, I'm sure someone else will be courteous enough to allow my father to sit."
Woman: "I didn't mean to be rude."
E: "You kind of are." And I thought I had been very nice to her
E: "Excuse me, sir, would you be kind enough to sacrifice your seat for my father? He can't stand very long and I have a feeling we'll be waiting for awhile."
Man: "Of course, no problem."
E: "Thank you so much.  Very kind." As I throw a glance back at the bitch on the couch.....seat next to her is STILL open and hubby still chatting in corner

For the next thirty minutes I checked email on my phone, sent some replies, played Legos with my nephew with my niece hanging off of me.  "Family X. We're ready for you."  FINALLY!

Photographer: "Okay so we'll do each family and couples and then move on to the next room for the family photo"
Dad: "Uhm, we're just here for the family photo"
Photographer: tongue as sharp as a guillotine "We don't do it that way here.  You must sit for all photos"
Brother-in-Law1 (nicest guy in the world!!): "I'm sorry, I thought we were the customers"
Photographer: pause, blank stare "Uhm, hum, yes, well this is the way we do it here"
Mom (the smoother-over-er): "Okay fine, everyone just take the photos"
Photographer: "Okay, Sister2's family. Okay, Sister1 couple. Okay, Mom and Dad.  Great.  Now you" she turns to look at me
E: "Uhm, yeah, I'm not taking a picture by myself"
Photographer: "Well, is your husband or boyfriend on his way? I can wait."
E: humiliated - full on "NO! There is no husband or boyfriend, thanks so much for sharing this in front of the whole world.  I am NOT taking a photo alone."
Photographer: "Well, I'm required to take everyone's photo.  How about you step in with Mom and Dad"
E: and look like the spinster who lives at home with Mommy and Daddy.  I don't THINK so! "Uhm....no!"
Brother-in-law1: why he rocks "You know I think that if the customer says no that means no. We've waited long enough and would like to move on"
Photographer: "Okay then, you need to stand in line here for the next photo"
Dad: "How long will that be"
Photographer: "Like five minutes"

TWENTY-FIVE minutes later we're still in line waiting.  I was able to find another chair for Dad and he was happy.  Meanwhile, cutey niece and I fell into a game of "Would You Rather" - quite fun, actually.

Photographer finally comes up and says you're next.  Four shots, 20 seconds and we were done.  Whoops!  Until we now have to sit down with the photographer and decide what we want.  I whisper to Mom "I just want a 5x7".  "Okay," she says.  I then walk away and take myself out of the situation and continue "Would You Rather" with cutey niece.

Then we were out of there only to discover that the geniuses who run the shopping center have closed every entrance/exit but two for traffic exiting. The rest is all incoming.  What the...? We drove around and around, almost got backed into twice and my Dad got his verbal assaults for the day out of the way, rolling down his window to yell at the stupid people who just jumped out in front our car.  He could have seriously injured one and there was some yelling.  Don't mess with the already annoyed chica.

E:  roll down the window "Dude, be smart.  You're in a parking lot and there are clearly marked pedestrian zones.  How about you try not to give your family the gift of dying today, stick to the designated areas and live to continue making their life a living hell?"
Dude: "Uhm..."
E: I'm sorry did I speak too fast for you?  "Please move out of our way"
Dude: "Uhm..."

You know, I'm really trying not to be irritated by things, but I think it's the nature of the holidays.  I truly can't believe I spoke to these people the way I did - highly unusual for me, but therapeutic! For me and Brother-in-law1 to say what everyone was thinking but no one, including us, never has the guts to say. I've decided that I just wasn't putting up with people's shit anymore.  Don't be stupid, use your head, be thoughtful and everything will be fine.  It's not rocket science.

Although, life is anything if isn't entertaining! 

So, I promise I won't be a Bah-Humbug. After all, a majority of my holiday gifts have been done for months and overall I'm really quite a happy person these days!  No, I'm not getting any, sadly.  That would definitely help keep me in this mood continuously, not to mention provide a nice furnace in my bed at night.  Note to self: stop working so much, go out and find a suitable candidate and ask Santa for a stocking stuffer....a hot man! 

Meanwhile, I'll be doing more meditation, have a chill December and refrain from any human contact.

Hope you all had a lovely holiday.  I missed you!!



xoxo

My Heroes: Chicagoans

Have you missed me?  I've missed all of you!  Things have been a little nutty around here and to keep my head from spinning and turning into Medusa I've been really concentrating on getting some things off my plate.  But now....I'm back and what a way to come back....

Now, let me preface this all by saying that I've worked for and on behalf of the homeless for almost 20 years.  I've served meals, helped to raise money and awareness. Through this I've learned a lot about the homeless.  For instance, I know that many, if not a majority of homeless (including teenage runaway), choose to be homeless. Sounds weird, right, but it's not.  It makes sense...to them.  These people don't want to, or can't, handle the responsibilities of life. They don't want a job or pay rent, etc.  Then there are others who are mentally ill.  No one is looking for them because they don't know who they are let alone where they are.  Then there are those who simply fall on hard times and use every resource available to them to get back on their feet. The one thing almost all of them have in common is panhandling.  It's just that each group has a different approach.

In Chicago, there are even food voucher programs by where one can buy vouchers and give them to someone in need who can in turn use them to purchase food. This is just one of many ways that people are helping each day.  One organization, I'm on the board of directors of, seeks out those in true need on the streets, providing housing, food, clothing, psychological help, medications, living assistance and much more.  So, with that said I am a compassionate and understanding person when it comes to the homeless, but I also know that taxpayers provide services to help these people get back up on their feet.  If they want it, they can get help. I will not give money to the homeless, but if said man below approached me outside the restaurant, I would have bought a bagel for him....I am not completely heartless....

This morning after a coffee meeting I sat down at the bus stop to check CTA Bustracker on my phone (brilliant by the way!  Tells you how long before your bus arrives) when a man walks up to me:

Man: Excuse me, can you help me out?
E: No, I'm sorry, sir, I can't help you.
Homeless Man: Look, I'm homeless and just woke up in the alley.  I'm hungry
E: (Yes, you smell like you just woke up in the alley) Well, I can't help you but there are plenty of places you can go for help.  You can flag down any police officer and they have to take you to a place where you can get food and shelter.
Homeless Smelly Man: PO-LICE! Don't you go talkin' to me about no PO-LICE!  All I want is some damn money to get something to eat!
E: (I stand up and begin to step out of the bus shelter) Sir, I'm sorry I can't help you.  I work with and know of several organizations that can help you get what you need.  I only mention the police because they are required, when asked, to take you to a shelter.
Angry Smelly Homeless Man:  (approaching me) Just give me some DAMN money so I can get something to eat!  I'm homeless and hungry.
E: (Walking backwards towards the building, people are now walking by me...mostly men and as I look at them for help)
ASHMan:  (approaching me again, rambling) Don't be talkin' to me about no PO-LICE.  I did time in a penitentiary and I don't want to see no police ever again.  Do you know what it's like there?  I ain't goin' back!
E: (Great, the penitentiary.  I'm going to die and none of these fuckers walking by me, seeing me retreating from this man yelling in my face are doing a damn thing about it.  Here I am on a busy street corner, fuckers walking by like nothing is happening, fuckers sitting RIGHT THERE waiting for the light to change not doing a thing and I'm going to die and Angry Smelly Homeless Man is going to run off with my free refill of Panera coffee - half-caff, of course)
ASHMan: (approaching me still) I just woke up in the fucking alley, do you understand? And I'm hungry just give me some money to eat something. 
E: (I really wanted to yell at the man, but didn't want to increase the odds that he would kill me right there and then...AND trying to make an effort to get some fucker walking past me to intervene...) Sir, I'm sorry I can't help you.  I told you that there are people who can help you.  You're making me extremely uncomfortable (my back now pressed up against the building and people walking in between us on the sidewalk - HELLO!  DOES ANYONE FUCKING CARE THAT I WILL BE KILLED?)
ASHMan: I'm making YOU uncomfortable?  Just give me some damn money and I'll go away.
E: Seriously, sir, you're making me very uncomfortable and I will not help you.
ASHMan: FUCK YOU, then.  FUCK YOU!  FUUUUUCCCKK  YOU!

ASHM finally walks off to bother other people down the street and I am left, back against a wall with fucking Chicagoans who won't do a damn thing walking by me.  I am completely jolted, stunned and unsteady.  Seriously?  Not ONE person, not ONE man could or would stop to help a woman from being pestered by a a clearly unstable angry homeless man?  I will tell you this one thing: this would not happen in Kansas or back home in the Southern Plains states.  No way, no how would ANY man allow a woman to be put in such a situation without coming to her rescue.

Chicago has certainly changed over the years.  Where once it was the "BIG" city that Midwesterners flocked too, it's now a true melting pot of people who only flocked here after gentrification, after it became so pretty and nice.  Clearly none of them are from the Midwest and none give a rat's ass about anyone but themselves, and that breaks my heart.  Chicago is no longer a Midwestern city.  It has gone the way of other booming metropolises.  I'm so disappointed.  I love my city, but the people....I wonder, if this man had attacked me if anyone would have done a damn thing about it.

And so this is the first step in the slow process of breaking up with the city of Chicago; the best relationship I've ever had.  She was always new, exciting, passionate, sexy, and there when I needed her, but now things have changed.  I've changed.  I need more.

xo

Stop Pissing Me Off

Wow, the last two days people have been totally pissing me off.  Seriously?  I'm typically a nice person, patient and accepting.  In business I'm a defuser.  I can defuse those like Ms. McSnippy Bitchy Pants, even though it does stress me out.

For instance, I'm currently sitting on the board for an awesome organization full of "the government should pay us, but wait we hate the government, but they fucking owe us" hippies.  The board is full of apathetic losers who couldn't give a rats ass.  They do nothing but sit with their thumbs up their asses at board meetings.  So when the communications committee, which I chair (lucky me) was directed to plan the executive director's retirement dinner I thought "of course, no problemo".  Famous last words because none of these lazy fucks have done anything (including my committee).  Yep, I've once again been roped into doing the whole thing with no help from fucking anyone and they want to raise $15k off the event for an endowment and spend $500 on a stupid memory book.  Yeah, stupid cuz I just spent all morning scanning in photos that are terrible.  I would never put these in a "memory book", but I don't fucking care anymore.  These asstards can have it but I am in no way, shape or form, fronting the cost of it cuz you know all these lame ass motherfuckers aren't going to lift a finger to recoup the cost.

To make matters worse the ED and his nutso wife are the biggest control freaks EVER.  This woman can't send a short and concise email to save her life, most likely because she doesn't understand the meanings to those words.  So far, thanks to the ED's crazy town USA wife, we're three weeks behind.  Fucking awesome.  Guess who gets blamed for this shit.  ME.  That's right, ME!  The only one who clearly gives a flying fuck at all.  And that is my problem.  I actually give a rat's ass about stuff in this life.  When I make a commitment I don't just sit back and wait for others to do the work, NO, I actually get my shit done. 

I am supposed to be president of the board but I have a big surprise for these stupid, lazy, poor excuses for human beings.  When this event is over I'm GONE!  I'm done.  I've decided to clean my personal house and that includes anything that doesn't feel right and this definitely qualifies.  This board is showing that they CAN'T do fundraising, and guess what?  It's not my fucking fault, losers!  Good luck!

Then there's the male stripper or bartender, or whatever else you do to wind up at the store with $100 in $1 bills.  I was a bartender/waitress for eight years and there's one thing you learn when you cash out at the end of the night, you fucking make an exchange!  Why take home ones when you can get twenties?  Unless you're a guy who desperately needs to stuff his pants with something fat cuz his penis ain't and at least money attracts the chics.  News flash - No one wants to stand behind you at the grocery waiting while you're dumb, but very pretty, ass counts out $76.80 in fucking $1 bills like a first grader.  For real?  Get a clue.

Oh, I could go on.  It's like the universe suddenly decided to shit on me the last 48 hours and I'm probably best staying away from ALL society until this resolves itself.  Until then, it's Noon on a Tuesday and there's a glass of wine sitting on my desk waiting to take away all this unnecessary stress and misery. It makes me want to sit and eat McDonald's and Dunkin Donuts all day long, but that would completely go against BFF and I's commitment to eating better and losing some lbs.

Note to self: be filled with much less hatred tomorrow.